After much thought and discussion we’ve decided to send E to a daycare/preschool for two mornings a week. The main reasons behind my decision are 1) my work has really ramped up lately and I sometimes need to go into the office for meetings or spend a few hours at a time on my reports 2) E enjoys socializing with other kids and as an only child doesn’t get many chances to do so 3) the daycare I found comes highly recommended by a friend; it’s run by Kids on the Move (the county’s child occupational therapy program) and has a strong focus on activities (they don’t even have a tv).
Even though I feel that this is a good choice for E and our family, I’ve agonized over the decision. In general I’m not one for hand-wringing, but I do feel a bit guilty. I really enjoy being a mother but I like working too. I’m pretty good at what I do, I feel appreciated by my team at work, and the extra money is nice. And most of the time I’m able to manage watching E and working at the same time quite well (i.e. I usually work when he naps.)
But I have to admit that on the occasions when work gets really crazy E spends entirely too much time watching tv, sometimes several hours a morning. I think that sending him to daycare for a few hours a week is preferable to that. I’d rather get him on a routine where he can go and hang out with other kids and I can take care of my work at the same time. Then on the days he’s home I’ll have more time to focus on doing fun stuff with him.
While I feel like I’m making a good choice I have to admit that I’m a little apprehensive about being judged by other moms. Not many mothers with young children in my neighborhood work. I can’t think of anyone else who only has one kid and who sends them to daycare. I know I shouldn’t let it bother me but I feel a vague unease when I wonder how other people will perceive my actions.
Having said all that, the most important thing to me is that E does well. I truthfully think he will like it but if he has issues or doesn’t thrive I can take him out and figure something else out.
No harsh judgment here. Sounds like a good plan for you. Hope he likes it!
You know, it entirely depends on the daycare/preschool. And it sounds like you did your homework, so I'm sure it will work out great!
I worked in daycares in high school…and I thought they were awful places to send kids! I was in the 2 year old room, and they never had a curriculum of any kind. It was kind of like a holding tank.
But then, I have friends who have found great child care for their kids, and the kids love to go! It sounds like you found one of those places. And learning to interact with other kids is important! Good luck with it all.
You know whose best qualified to make parenting decisions for E? You and N. So don't worry about what the other mothers in the neighborhood say.
And for the record, I didn't put Little A in preschool and I highly regret it. Turns out elementary school now is a little more stringent and advanced from what I recall. So when he entered Kindergarten mostly unsocialized and not knowing the basics, he had trouble adjusting.
The basics meant: counting to 20 verbally, counting to 10 on paper (being able to spell it out), being able to write his name and address, knowing his ABC's, and knowing at least the basics of reading.
All of which he would have apparently learned in preschool.
I'm surrounded by people who have their child/children in daycare.
I'm an only child and when my mother wasn't home I was in a daycare.
Please don't let other people's imposed standards affect you. I bet if you talk to those people that they sometimes wish their kids could be in daycare.
I validate you! Don't worry about judgemental neighbors (did YOU go in to debt to buy a house you couldn't afford? They did!) E will have a blast. And I totally agree – it leaves you more prepared to actually spend time with him on the mornings he is home. Win win all around!
I agree, it is none of "our" business. It is what is best for E. and what you and N. think is right. You are the parents.
Thanks for your support, everyone. It means a lot to me and I appreciate it.
E had a wonderful time at daycare today. He didn't even cry when I left; he was too busy playing with all the great toys they have. I know that it's too soon to tell how things are going to go after just one day, but it seems like he's going to do really well there.
Actually, I think this is absolutely a wonderful thing, maybe even necessary thing you are doing. It's only a couple of mornings, E is doing lots of social activities and learning to play and interact with different people/situations/locations. He sounds so sweet and shy – this will be a perfect step for him to ease into school setting in the next few years.
Besides, no one should be judging a mom (who's 24/7 on call for child's every need) for being able to have a few hours a day for her own stuff – even if it's to go to a spa and get pampered or to sit around and scratch her ass for a few hours! Don't feel guilty. You're getting work done – E's socializing and… that's what parents are supposed to do, provide these socialization opportunities.
I agree–don't worry about what others might think. You have to do what you think is best for You, N, & E. I'm so glad that he had a great time at preschool.
Faith, if someone judges you for bringing your 2yo to a great daycare/preschool for two mornings a week, I think you are definitely not the one with the problem. Sounds fantastic. The more experience I have raising kids the more I realize there are lots of ways it can work out if everyone is dedicated and loving and flexible. I kind of wish I had been more open to different divisions of labor a few years ago, and especially before I had kids to prepare better for flexible work options like you have.
(saw your comment on FMH and wondered if it was you, so clicked over here:) )
And Utah County is wierd. Just remember that. I have a friend in SLC who works one night a week while her kids are with their Dad. Apparently people judge her. That is so wierd and twisted! People will judge people for just about anything.
Gina