Category: letters to E

Dear E,

This last month was an eventful one. Your dad and I decided to pack up the car and take you on a car trip to visit your Aunt Gwyn and her family in Oregon. For the most part you were a trooper during the 13-hour car rides there and back. You loved playing with your cousins and would follow them around from room to room. We put your port-a-crib in your cousin S’s room and after you had been put to bed you and him would stay up late normal chatting and giggling.

You’re fascinated by the things you see around and love to explore. We have a bunch of spice jars sitting on our kitchen counter and your dad showed you how they smell when you open them. So lately one of your favorite things to do is to grab a jar off the counter and carry it over to me, wait for me to open the lid, carefully stick your nose in the jar, inhale deeply and then murmur “mmmm…” appreciatively. It’s adorable to watch and I remain ever grateful that you haven’t decided that you want to open the jars yourself–yet.

You’ve started to want us to repeat things lately. When you take a shining to a certain story book you want to have it read to you three, four, times in a row. When you want us to repeat something you exclaim, “more again!” which cracks me up. You also still say “I help you, Ma!” when you want me to help you with something which makes me smile.

Lest you get an inflated head, you can certainly be very trying at times. Sometimes you insist on being carried from the car into the store which I think you’re getting too big for. It’s never predictable–a lot of the time you walk around holding my hand quite happily. But sometimes you’re determined to stick to my side like glue and nothing but picking you up and holding you close will stop you from wailing.

When I find myself getting annoyed at having to juggle my purse, miscellaneous bags, my car keys, and you in my arms I try to take a deep breath and appreciate how at this brief moment in time your life you still want to be close to me as you possibly can. And then I lean in and smell the sunshine in your hair and plant a kiss on your cheek.

Your father says I spoil you sometimes but I tend to disagree.

Love,

Mama

Dear E,

I know that this last month was hard at times (we both came down with a nasty stomach bug and it took you a good two weeks to fully recover) but as I type this the moments first and foremost in my mind are the good ones.

This Mother’s Day was the first that you were involved in. You and your dad picked out some lovely peach roses at Costco and you presented them to me with a big smile and a “Happy Mother’s Day!” And then later that day you kept wishing me a “Happy birthday!” which was also nice.

Your teachers at preschool helped you make a little set of flowers by tracing your hand print and stuck them in a little flowerpot with your name on it. I’m usually not very sentimental and I know you basically had nothing to do with making them but I surprised myself by tearing up a little when you gave it to me. I think I’ll keep it forever.

Speaking of preschool, you really love it now. For a while you would whimper a bit when I dropped you off (but quickly cheer up). But now you LOVE it. As soon as I help you down from the car you run into your classroom and start playing. And most mornings after you wake up you ask “ride in the car? Preschool?” It makes me happy to see you enjoy playing with other kids.

You’ve gotten really into music lately. Your dad and I love music (your dad especially) and we usually have it playing. You have a hodgepodge set of toy instruments that you like to play: drums, a tambourine, a guitar, a recorder, an accordion, and a xylophone. One of your favorite things to do is to pass out instruments to me and your dad, tell us we’re “in a band” and then count us off “one, two, three, one, two, three” at which we all start playing like mad. It’s a lot of fun.

Love,

Mama

Dear E,

I think you’re starting to enter the famed Terrible Twos. Most of the time you’re pretty easy going but you can flip the switch and melt down in a blink. When our wills clash it’s usually because you want/don’t want to eat something I don’t want/want you to eat or you’re wanting to be carried around instead of walking and are clinging to my leg like a barnacle. You’ve also grown quite fond of clutching toys to your chest and shouting, “NO! Mine!” which we’re trying to wean you of.

But most of the time you’re still a joy. You’re a riot and crack us up everyday. You like helping out around the house. You love standing on a chair and helping stir when we’re cooking. You love riding in the car and going to your friends’ houses. You’ll bring me your shoes and look at me hopefully with wide eyes and ask “Li-um’s house?…Peter’s house?…Mee-maw’s house?” It makes me happy that you have so many people in your life that you love and who love you back.

When you test your boundaries it can be frustrating at times but I try to keep things in perspective. My desire is that you grow up to be a loving, well-adjusted person with self-discipline and who handles trials with patience and grace. Thinking of this long-term goal helps me keep my calm when you’ve flung yourself shrieking onto the kitchen floor because I won’t let you eat jelly beans before breakfast. It usually gives me the strength to help you calm down try and behave well.

But sometimes? Every once in a rare while when it’s not even 8 am, you’ve already had three shrieking tantrums and I’m dangerously close to the end of my rope? –You’ll have jelly beans for breakfast.

Love,

Mama

Dear E,

During this last month we went on a trip to Washington to visit family. I was pretty nervous about flying there alone with you but you behaved yourself remarkably. I thought you might freak out but you pretty much handled everything in stride except for some understandable separation anxiety at times.

You loved staying at my parents’ house. Unprompted by anyone you’ve started calling them “Meemaw” and “Peepaw” and basically have both of them wrapped around your little finger. My dad, who is not well known for his affinity with small children, even volunteered to watch you for a couple of hours so I could go to the spa with my mom. I was a little nervous about leaving you but you had a great time going to the playground, eating lunch together, and taking the car to get washed with Peepaw.

Speaking of car washes, they are your very favorite thing right now. You went through the one with Peepaw and then we got a free car wash when we picked up our car from the airport which pretty much cemented them in your mind as the coolest thing ever.

Ever since we returned home one of the first things you do after you wake is to hopefully request “Car wash? Car wash?” Even after I explain that we aren’t going to one today you continue on, “Car wash fun! Car wash fun!…car wash!” It cracks me up, enough so that last week I gave in and took my very slightly dusty car through the car wash even though it was obvious that it was going to rain soon. (Yes, sometimes I can be a total sucker for your cuteness.)

I’m so glad we went and visited family last month. February can be a dreary month and it was nice to get away and see you in a different environment. Your resilience and the aplomb with which you handled most situations were great to see. You seemed to grow older right before my eyes.

It was wonderful to see you enjoy being with your grandparents, uncle and aunt, and cousins. Even though you may not see them that often, there are a lot of people out there who love you.

Love,

Mama

Dear E,

I can’t wait for winter to end. This winter you’ve come down with cold after cold with a bout flu and a stomach bug thrown in for good measure. Between your being sick and me having a crazy time at work this month was kind of hard. To be honest, you ended up watching a lot of tv while I was working. You still like Yo Gabba Gabba but your new favorite is The Wonder Pets. You have the words to your favorite episode memorized which to be honest is a little unsettling.

Fortunately my big project at work has wrapped up and so this week I’ve been trying to make up for neglecting you the last few weeks. On Monday we went to the farm and you had a blast feeding corn to the animals. At first you were a little shy but by the end you were sticking your hand up to the goats and shrieking with delight when they licked your fingers. And yesterday I took you the park to swing and play on the slide. There was still snow on the ground but you wrapped your fingers around the chains and exclaimed “wee!” as I pushed you higher and higher. Watching the joy beam from your face made me feel like pushing you on the swing for hours and hours. (But I didn’t because it was cold and even something like that gets old after twenty minutes.)

There was a night this last month when you had been sick and needy all day, work had been difficult, and the house was in disarray. I was wheeling the trash cans out to the street curb and I stopped to look up at the sky. It was a clear night and the stars seemed distant but friendly. I took a deep breath and suddenly all my complaints receded and were replaced with gratitude for having a son, a job, a house. I need to work at hanging on to that gratitude more often.

You’ve been really funny lately. Once you learned about animals and shapes we started teaching you counting. Right now you skip some numbers though and usually count “two, three, four, five, six, eight, ten!” We were all in the car together and your dad and I were trying to get you to say “one” and “nine” when your dad remarked that you seemed to dislike odd numbers. You promptly exclaimed “five!” and “three!” and it was funny and weird. I know you don’t know what odd numbers are; it was just one of those little funny moments of being a parent.

Sometimes you try and use your new counting skills for evil, though. If you’re messing with something you know you shouldn’t be and we tell you not to touch it you immediately put a sweet look on your face and start pointing to the object and counting, “two, three, four, five, six…” We fall for it every time and can’t help but laugh.

Love,

Mama

Dear E,

December was an eventful month. Your eimo had a baby boy and so you gained another cousin. While you adore your big boy cousins A and J and follow them around like a little puppy you haven’t been too impressed with baby P yet. While we were visiting Jan’s house over the holidays I took a turn holding baby P and we called you over to take a look at him. You leaned in real close to P’s sleeping little face and everyone thought you were going to plant a kiss on him but instead you took a big breath and yelled “Wake up!” Helpful as always!

Over Christmas you came down with one of the worst colds you’ve had in a long time. You were a pretty pitiful sight; coughing and whining about everything and nothing in particular. The only thing you wanted to do was sit on our laps and cuddle and watch NickJr. It was pretty hard to deal with but at the same time I relished the chance to hold you close; you’re not usually one for cuddling.

Despite being sick you really enjoyed Christmas. The concept of presents finally clicked with you and you were so excited to see the presents stacked by the tree. On Christmas morning you giddily took turns handing us our presents and opening your own. And now whenever you see a wrapped gift you’re fascinated and ask if it’s for you by asking “present? present?”

But December had its downside too. Your dad and I have been thinking about adding to our family for a while now and around Christmas I ended up having an early pregnancy loss. It was sad and disappointing but it motivated me to make some positive changes in my life and so hopefully I’m utilizing the situation for personal growth.

You know, you’re the reason I can see us having more children. You taught us (and continue to teach us) how to be parents. Before you were born I had known that I wanted to be a mother but I didn’t know how fulfilling it would be. While you sometimes have your trying moments (you are two after all!) having you here fills our house with more joy and laughter than it’s ever held before.

Love,

Mama

Dear E,

This month has been amazing. Your verbal skills have burst into being like some violent tropical flower that blooms overnight. You’ve become quite the little parrot and love trying out new words and phrases. When you hear a sound in the distance like the trains that run near our house you’ll cup your hand around an ear and shout, “Listen!…train!”

Your improved verbal skills have opened up a whole new world of embarrassing social situations. You never saw our little mouse visitor but listening to your dad and I talk about it along with watching an episode of Wonder Pets that featured a mouse has cemented mice as one of your favorite topics of conversation. “Mouse!” is one of the first things you say when I get you up. At first it freaked me out because I thought that you had seen a mouse in your room but no, you just like talking about them. In fact when we were at the neighborhood Christmas party you struck up a conversation about mice with one of our neighbors, apropos of nothing. We then had to explain about our little Thanksgiving adventure. So, um, thanks for that! I have a feeling it won’t be the last time your mouth gets us in an embarrassing situation.

Take for instance your sometimes spotty enunciation. You like pointing out trucks as we drive down the freeway but you have some predictable (but pretty funny) problems saying “truck.” I try not to laugh but sometimes it’s pretty hard.

You’re really interested in lights and the dark. Almost every time we turn off a light you exclaim, “Oh, no! It’s dark!” and then mumble some additional unintelligible commentary. Since you’re still enamored with the moon I bought you a yellow crescent shaped lamp and every night we read books by its light and then afterward you flip the switch and turn it off. Sometimes you like to stall and complain about turning it off but if I just hold you close and talk to you about how it’s time to go to bed you always turn it off yourself. It’s very sweet.

I know that parental navel-gazing is pretty annoying so I try not to bore other adults by recapping the latest cute/funny thing you did. But sometimes after you’ve gone to sleep your dad and I will talk about the day and indulge ourselves by discussing the cute and funny things you did that day. In the middle of such moments I feel the love of our little family wrap around me and I marvel at our blessings.

Love,

Mama

Dear E,

Last week you turned two years old. In the past few weeks you’ve started talking a lot more. One of your favorite things to say is “thank you.” Manners are pretty important to me (growing up with a father from the south and a mother from Korea will do that to you) and so I’ve been reminding you to say thank-you when you’re given something for several months now.

But last week the light finally clicked on. You started saying “thank-you” after everything: when I hand you a drink, when I help you with your jacket or shoes, when the sample lady at Costco gives you some chips, etc… Last night you were eating dinner and got some ketchup on your fork. I took from you and wiped it clean and handed it back and you said, “Thank you, Mama.” It melted my heart. And last week when I took you to the hospital to get some blood drawn for your food allergy tests you charmed the techs by busting out several unprompted thank-yous when they handed you a lollipop.

It’s a good thing you’ve started being so adorably polite because it (usually) balances out the bad habits you’ve picked up lately. When you get excited or frustrated you like to slap us in the face or pull our classes off and wrench them around. Needless to say, both actions are pretty frustrating. You also throw things on the ground when you’re mad which is also pretty annoying. But we’re working on it together: you’re working on controlling your actions and I’m working on improving my patience. But most of the time you try really hard to be good and I appreciate it.

You’ve picked up on the rhythms of a working week. I usually go run errands on Saturday mornings and if you and your dad don’t come along you flip out. You’re very adamant that on Saturday we all somewhere together. You love going to Costco and after we returned home from it last Saturday it was all you wanted to talk about,” blah, blah, blah, COS-co, COS-co!”

It’s very sweet how much you like going places together with us. I like it when we’re together as a family too.

Love,

Mama

While you still like to please your dad and me you’re starting to assert your own opinions more and more often. You continue to be very easygoing but during this last month you started to try and play us to get what you want. If something you care about isn’t going your way you’re not above covering your eyes with your balled-up fists and crying pathetically. I hate to tell you but it sort of undermines your credibility when you suddenly cut the crying and peek out from behind your hands to see if we’re falling for it. If the tears don’t work (and they almost never do) you’ll aim a knowing glare at us. But even that’s pretty cute.

Speaking of your shenanigans, I gave you your first time out this month. You were holding a container of dried fruit and I asked you to hand it to me. But you didn’t want to and so you looked me in the eye and then threw the fruit on the ground. NOT cool, E! So I sat you in your little red chair and talked to you about how it’s important to listen to Mama. At the end of two minutes you were in tears but hugs and reassurance were given and then everything was better.

Your attention span has grown recently and you usually ask for book after book to be read to you before bed. I can almost see the wheels turning in your head as you look at the pages and listen to the words. We’ve been reading Goodnight Moon to you since you were tiny and lately you’ve developed a fondness for pointing out the moon wherever you see it. The problem is that you don’t really have a concept of the sun and so you are quite insistent that any round shape in the sky is the moon.

We’ve tried correcting you (e.g. “That’s the SUN. The sun shines during the day.”) but every time you matter-of-factly and very insistently correct us. And now it’s kind of become a thing: you like to flip to every page in your books that has a round object in the sky and look us in the eye and state “MOON!”, challenging us to disagree with you. It’s pretty funny. I’m sure we’ll have plenty of other disagreements as you grow up but this one might be the most adorable.

Love,

Mama