Category: letters to E

Dear E,

You actually turned nineteen months old last week but I’ve been procrastinating writing this letter for a while. The main reason is that while there were many great moments during the last month, the last few weeks have been been somewhat hard for me. You’re starting to turn into your own person with your own ideas and (predictably) those ideas don’t always align with we think is best for you.

I think you should drink some soy milk; you don’t want anything to do with it. I think you should take some Benadryl when your allergies flare up; you prefer to spit out the medicine so it runs down your shirt and into your hair. I would like you to play cheerfully with the other kids at day care and nursery like you’ve been doing for the last couple of months; you prefer to cling to my leg and cry brokenheartedly. And so on.

I think the reason these struggles are so difficult for me is that up until now you’ve consistently been a very easygoing little guy. I haven’t really built up much of a tolerance for toddler shenanigans and so I am easily flummoxed at times.

I don’t want to make it sound like you’ve turned into a total pill because you haven’t. You’re still a very sweet little guy. You’ve started giving us close approximations of kisses which are adorable and very much appreciated. And you’ve improved quite a bit talking with talking. You love taking your gummy vitamins and will politely request “minamin, eease!”

I love your fearless sense of curiosity. We’ve gone to a local exhibition farm a few times and every time you go out of your mind with excitement at seeing the different animals. You fearlessly grab handfuls of corn and stick your little fist up to the goats to feed them and then shriek in joy when they lick your hand. It’s so cute to watch.

In general you’re still quite the little trooper. We took you on a day trip to Goblin Valley over Memorial Day weekend and you held it together very admirably. We strapped you into a carrier on your dad’s back and you giggled wildly every time your dad slipped and almost fell down in the mud. It was a lot of fun. We’re looking forward to taking many more family trips together.

You’ve started to idolize older kids. You’re especially fond of your cousins A and J. When we’re over at their house you follow them around like a little puppy. They’re really good with you and like to chase you around and make you laugh.

You know, over the course of writing this letter and thinking about all the ways you’ve grown over the past month I’ve managed to cheer myself up quite a bit. The small lovely moments we share outnumber the frustrating ones many, many times over. I know it can be frustrating for both of us at times, but I’m glad you’re growing into your own. It’s extremely humbling to watch you discover who you are. And it’s amazing–totally, mindbogglingly amazing.

Love,

Mama

Dear E,

This week you turned 18 months-old. You are starting to turn into quite the little boy. You’re constantly in motion and love running around outside. You also like to dance and will boogie down for any sort of music. You have this magnetic farm toy that sticks to the fridge and you’ll push the button to start its music and then we’ll square dance in the kitchen together. It’s pretty fun.

We recently showed you how to knock on doors and now you love knocking on everything you can find. This morning when I went to get you out of your crib you were knocking on the walls and as soon as I set you down on the floor you ran around the room knocking on your crib, the door, and the laundry basket (that one didn’t work so well). In addition to knocking you also enjoy throwing things. When you throw something you always dramatically yell “Yah!” It’s pretty funny, like you’re the world’s smallest martial artist.

You still love going to the gym. I think it’s really helping you adjust to attending nursery at church. For the last couple of Sundays we’ve taken you to nursery and stayed there with you since you weren’t technically 18 months-old yet. And you’ve done really well. This Sunday we’re going to leave you there by yourself and I hope it goes as well, because honestly? Three hours of church with an active toddler is ENTIRELY TOO LONG. And since I don’t think they’re going to shorten church any time soon, something else has got to give. And that my friend is you. So, um, good luck in nursery!

You got to see a lot of family this month. Your Aunt Gwyn along with your 9 month-old cousin S came for a visit. You did very well with S: you patted him on the head a few times and liked to watch him eat, but other than that it was pretty much business as usual. You were marvelously unflappable.

At times you can be challenging, though. You’ve started emphatically telling us “No!”: “No!” to changing your diaper, “No!” to sitting in your highchair, “No!” to holding my hand in a busy parking lot–it can be frustrating. And yesterday you woke up from your nap crying like your heart was broken. Juice, food, cuddling–nothing made it better on its own. The only thing that worked was a combination of juice AND cuddling AND watching Sesame Street.

But then this morning you woke up cheerful and laughing and happy. And life with you went on in all of its unpredictable, gorgeous glory.

Love,

Mama

Dear E,

Where did March go? You’re growing so quickly. It is so much fun to us to see you pick up new things up almost everyday. Lately you’ve started taking us by the hand and leading us to where you want to go. And when you get the feeling to go outside you’ll bring your jacket and shoes to us. You seem to understand a lot more words now.

You hate the loud noise the hairdryer makes and so as soon as I warn you that “Mama’s going to dry her hair now” you run away shrieking in fear. But then you always sneak back and peer around the corner to check on me and make sure I’m okay and haven’t been devoured by the strange monster pointed at my head. That you can summon such bravery on my behalf is very touching.

I’ve been working a lot this past week and as a result you’ve been watching a bit more Play with me, Sesame that I’d like. You really love the show, though. Ernie is your favorite. The Sesame Street characters are printed on your diapers and you get a kick out of seeing them. A few days ago you said “Ernie” as your dad was pointing him out to you on a diaper. Of course you haven’t said it again though. (By the way, what’s up with that? Sometimes you’ll say a word (last week it was “oatbeal“) but then you promptly clammed up and never said it again.)

The only words you say really consistently are “Mama,” “Dada,” and “Elliott.” It’s funny because you’ll often use “Elliott” to mean “I’m here!” If I’m calling to you from another room you call back “Elliott!” Sometimes if I’m doing something else and not paying attention to you you’ll call out “Elliott!” to make sure that I know you’re there and that I haven’t forgotten about you. But you don’t have to worry: I’ll never forget about you.

Love,

Mama

Dear E,

Well, in general things just keep better and better. You’re a master at walking now and have moved on to climbing onto things. You like to stand on top of anything you can: the bathroom scale, blocks, books, your long-suffering mama’s foot, etc… This month you also discovered the joy of sitting. You like to grab a toy or your blanket and carefully sit on the bottom step of the stairs. Then you’ll stand up and sit back down repeatedly, proud as punch.

Cuteness aside, you’re actually getting to be quite a handful. Taking you to the store is a bit harder now because you don’t want to be in the cart. You want to run around and grab things off the shelves. And holding you isn’t a better option either: you’ve perfected that whole-body toddler twist and kick maneuver to wiggle yourself free.

My mom and brother Steven were in town last week visiting and both doted on you. Your grandma loved playing with you and your uncle would plant a peck on the top of your head whenever he got the chance. Even your aunt’s dog Teddy put up with you remarkably well. You LOVED Teddy and kept trying to hug him or rub your cheek against his fur (as you do with anything soft). It’s too bad you’re allergic to dogs; hopefully we’ll be able to get one for you at some point.

In general you’re still a very sweet, mellow little guy. During the last few weeks I’ve started going to the gym in the mornings to get some much-needed exercise and you’ve been a champ about going to the day care there. Sometimes you’re so eager to go play with the other kids that you try and open the gate to let yourself in. A few times you’ve been a little sad when I leave but even then you don’t really cry and you quickly cheer up. Because I know you’re having a good time with the other kids it’s easier to relax and enjoy my workout/time to read trashy magazines. You’re very good to your dad and me.

Love,

Mama

Dear E,

Today you’re fifteen months old. This morning I was thinking about what I wanted to say in this letter and I have to admit, I was waxing a bit sentimental. You’ve grown quite a bit this month.

You’ve mastered walking and now toddle around using an endearingly awkward high-stepping gait. For a while you were under the mistaken impression that your legs were long enough for you to walk down the stairs (don’t worry, you didn’t have any major spills) but after some practice you now know to sit down at the top of the stairs and scoot down on your stomach. You’re surprisingly quick at it and don’t have any trouble following us from floor to floor now. Occasionally you’ll misjudge the distance and and sit down too far from the stairs and end up scooting backwards on your stomach down half of the hallway which cracks me up.

One of your favorite things to do lately is to nest objects into other objects. There was an empty mug on my nightstand and it’s now one of your favorite things. When I’m getting ready in the morning you like to carry your mug around and drop things you find into it. You also love finding my hairbrush and carrying it around. You like to try and brush your hair.

You’ve also become more interested in books this month. You pick them up and hand them to me for me to read. Your current favorite is Good Morning, Little Bert, which is one of the books the hospital gave you when you were there overnight for an allergic reaction.

Anyway, as I was saying, this morning I was feeling sentimental. You were being really cute, stomping around and giggling and babbling, and during this last month you’ve really grown. But then in quick succession you 1) refused to take your morning nap, 2) decided that the only thing in the world worth doing was was pulling cds off the shelf, and 3) overturned a large glass of water I had forgotten on the coffee table.

I have to admit, those mushy feelings disappeared right way. You were being so frustrating and you know, opinionated. After I cleaned up the water I put you in your crib for attempt number two at your nap. And again, you simply were not having it. After ten minutes of listening to you bawl I gave in and pulled you out of your crib, tears and snot running down your face. We sat together in the rocking chair and I sang to you and we rocked. You calmed down and cuddled close. Every time you caught my gaze you smiled, happy to be with me. And after everything was said and done, I was happy to be with you.

Love,

Mama

P.S. – But seriously dude, stop pulling the cds off the shelf.

Dear E,

Today you turn fourteen months old. It has been a busy, crazy, lovely month. This winter started out abnormally warm but the 6+ snowstorms we’ve had in the last few weeks have more than made up for it.

You’ve never liked being cold (a surprise, I know!) and so far you haven’t shown an affinity for the snow. But maybe that will change. Your Aunt Miranda gave you a toddler-sized sled for Christmas and we’re going to break it in this week.

It was really fun to watch you experience Christmas for the first time. (I’m not counting last year because you were pretty much just a blob then–a cute blob, but a blob nevertheless.) You LOVED our Christmas tree. You insisted on “helping” decorate the tree and were as gentle as you could be. It was very endearing.

For Christmas your dad and I gave you mostly books, but I did succumb and get you a little ride-on train. You love it in all of its garishly-bright plastic glory.

You really improved at walking this month and now you take five or six steps at a time. I love it when you launch yourself, giggling like crazy, into my arms. Lately you enjoy putting things away into baskets, clapping, and sharing your snacks with us.

You are, simply put, a marvel.

Love,

Mama

Dear E,

Last week you turned thirteen months old. I vaguely knew it was coming but then completely forgot about writing this letter until today. In my defense I would like to say: it’s all Christmas’ fault. The gift buying, cookie decorating, party preparing, party attending and card writing has been insane this year. Compounding the craziness is the fact that our two upstairs showers broke and were getting fixed this week.

Well, to be completely honest our master bath shower started leaking the week after we brought you home from the hospital. I had every intention of getting it fixed right away but you know, new baby and first time mom and all that. So we used the hallway shower instead for a full year which has to be my all-time new procrastination record. I like to think I would have got it fixed soon anyway, but last week when the hallway shower also broke my hand was forced. Luckily there’s a downstairs shower. But this whole debacle means a score of: house-2, Faith-0.

So the plans for shower repair switched very suddenly into high gear and all this week workmen have been traipsing and out of the house sawing, smashing, and soldering things. Things have been a little busy around here. The shower repair has been throwing off your nap schedule which has compounded the somewhat difficult time you were already having. For the past week or so you have been teething pretty hard. You’re still pretty cheerful but I can tell that you don’t feel well and you’ve been waking up a few times during the night.

But other than that you’ve doing really well. You handled the switch from nursing to drinking soy formula like a champ. Even if you’re in the next room you can hear the sound of someone shaking up a bottle and you get excited.

I’m trying to expand your food repertoire but I have to admit it’s a little intimidating. I bought you some all-soy cheese (slogan: “It melts!”) and made you some quesadillas with it which you seemed to enjoy for about a week but now apparently detest. You still like eating peas and have taken to sunflower seed butter sandwiches but who knows how long that will last. E, with your allergies your food choices are already so limited that you simply can NOT afford to be a picky eater. So, um, stop it…okay?

This month you started clapping which is pretty darn cute. You are this close to walking on your own and you love to cling to any vertical surface and walk along it: the fridge, cabinets, walls, etc… It’s fun to watch but makes it harder to keep you contained at church. You love playing peekaboo and you continue to make us laugh every day.

Thank you.

Love,

Mama

Dear E,

You turned one year old this week. It’s trite, but I can’t believe how fast this year has gone. I’ll admit that the first few months were kind of difficult; taking care of you was a big adjustment. In those early days I often keenly felt my lack of experience. But now that I have a year of being a mom under my belt I have to say that being a mother is even better than I had thought it would be.

Don’t get me wrong; sometimes it’s really hard. Last week you had a nasty viral bug. You had a high fever AND you threw up multiple times every day for a week. It was hard to see you so miserable; you basically just wanted to be held against my shoulder and cuddled. But now that you feel better you’re back to your cheerful friendly self.

You definitely are a friendly little guy. This past week we’ve had a crew tearing up our basement floor and installing drains and a pump so the basement won’t flood anymore. And every time you saw one of the guys you would give them a huge smile and totally charm them. They would return your grin and, unprompted, tell me about their own kids.

That’s something that I’ve noticed; the experience of being a parent connects you to others. It has more closely linked me to the world around me. When I see tiny babies I smile because I remember how soft and little you were at that age. And when I heard about how thousands of babies in China were harmed and others died because of tainted baby formula I cried for their parents. It is because you are my world that I know that their children are their worlds. It is because of you that I feel more invested in bettering the world around us.

Your first Halloween was this last month. You were actually due last Halloween but were quite content where you were and not ready to leave yet. It seems like it was such a short time ago that you were born and yet it also feels like you’ve always been a part of our family. We are so that happy you’re here.

Love,

Mama

Dear E,

Your eleventh month was full of some pretty dramatic changes. Before this month you weren’t really crawling; you would roll around sideways to get where you wanted or scoot on your tummy. But when I took you to Washington to visit family it was like a light turned on and you figured it out. You also figured out that you could pull yourself up into a standing position and now it’s one of your favorite things to do. Now when I go to get you up from your crib, this is the site that greets me most of the time:

It cracks me up because you’re obviously so pleased with yourself. And frankly, why shouldn’t you be?

I mentioned that I took you to Washington to visit family. I was a little nervous beforehand how you would react to everything and everyone since you had been having some stranger anxiety before we left. But trip seemed to pull you out of it right away. You were such a trooper and shamelessly flirted with everyone you saw. My mother showered you with attention and you loved it.

You also seem to be more interested in eating table foods. Your food allergies make it a little difficult to find foods that are okay to eat but I’m going to get serious about cooking meals that you can eat too. I have to admit that since I’ve cut eggs, dairy, and nuts from my diet that our dinners have really suffered. A lot of the time I’ll just end up eating a bagel with vegan margarine on it or cereal with soy milk and leave your dad to fend for himself. Your dad is a great cook (last night he made a yummy red curry) but I need to do better. I normally struggle with coming up with dinner ideas and these food restrictions just make it harder to get motivated. But I think you’re on the way to outgrowing baby food and so I need to get my game together. So yeah, this last month was pretty crazy. The main event was the trip to Washington. After we got home you all of a sudden seemed so much older. I can see more of the little boy in you and less of the baby. I know your dad was surprised at how much you had grown in the week we were away.

Even though I was right there with you I was surprised at how much you had grown too. It is so much fun to watch you become your own person.

Love,

Mama